Failwhale February

So, this month was an exercise in nail-based humility. I could do no right. (Insert anguished gestures here.) I tried a bunch of things, and none of them worked as I wanted them to. Serves me right, probably, for the beginner's luck of completing the last objective.

FIRST: I MASSACRE OH SPLAT!

I lemmed Oh Splat! from the moment I first saw it. It's white-and-rainbow nail polish perfection. And then I went and screwed it up.

KILL IT WITH TOPCOAT

I attempted a swap mani of Oh Splat! and Orbital, with French tips in Order of the Garter. I figured this would work because A England polishes are outrageously pigmented and opaque. Order of the Garter, though a beautiful blue, needed two hefty coats to achieve opacity, by which time I was doomed to Bubble Tips™, which were only made worse by the thick coats of Seche Vite I needed to smooth out the ridiculous shelves of polish (and what do thick coats of Seche Vite always do? MICRO BUBBLES, augh):

I think my cuticles are screaming here?

Next time, I leave these beautiful glitter bombs the hell alone.

Polishes used:
KBShimmer - Oh Splat! (3 coats, works beautifully on its own)
Different Dimension - Orbital (3 coats, would recommend 2 on top of black undies)
A England - Order of the Garter (2 mortar-esque coats)


SECOND: I BRING SHAME UPON THE HOUSE OF JELLY GRADIENTS

This would have been excellent in theory, and I know how to fix it in future (a palette, a bottle of clear polish on standby, and a lot more time). I opted for a skittle mani in jelly gradients over a holo base. (I couldn't get direct sunlight, but trust me that Nfu Oh 61 is crazy-rainbows all ova the place in the sun.)

CLAWHAND

The OPI jellies are too pigmented for a smooth gradation. The Zoyas were a bit better (Frida in particular), but the net result was still too choppy for my perfectionism. Next time, I custom-mix the jellies with extra clear polish, and I work in reverse (i.e., wash of palest colour from the cuticle to the tip, and overlap layers building towards the tip, instead of the standard process of doing the tips towards the cuticles).

insert a pun about choppiness here

Polishes used:
Nfu Oh - #61 (2 coats, with Aquabase base coat!)
Zoya - Paloma (thumb), Katherine (index), Frida (ring)
OPI - Guy Meets Gal-veston (middle), Houston We Have a Purple (pinkie)


THIRD: I DO INJUSTICE TO NAILSIDE'S 80s PATTERN

I love Nailside's abstract 80s tutorial. I think this look is genius. I definitely plan to try it again in future, having learnt: 1) do not mess with the shapes, the triangle definitely looks best in the middle; 2) for the love of baby sloths, don't do nail art on top of a glitter bomb.

Okay, in this, my cuticles are definitely screaming at me, I can hear them.

The three coats of nail polish I needed for the base made it super-thick, and with the taping on top and the top coat to smooth everything out, it was a bit of a gong show. Satellite is a fantastic, gorgeous glitter-- it goes on well (I used the dabbing method but it was not at all finicky), it sparkles like our fates depended on it, and it's bright enough to run the show. I just couldn't leave well enough alone!

Also, for reasons that escape me, my Good to Go decided that it wanted to mimic Shrinky Dinks (can you believe they named them that? who rubber-stamped that?) and came up with the most outrageous shrinkage I have ever seen. I don't even have words for this. It's like the nail polish was trying to run away from my fingers...

That's, like, a sixth of my nail plate! Come back here!!

Polishes used:
OPI - Houston We Have a Purple (2 coats)
The Polish Bar - Satellite (1 coat)
Zoya - Jacqueline (1 coat; the opaque shapes)
Spa Ritual - Calm & Clear (1 coat; the translucent shapes)


And on that note, I'm off to bed. I have something hopefully better to show you tomorrow!


J.